Location: Youngstown, Ohio
Scott, aka The Gay Guru. Banished to NE Ohio

    By day, I am the mild mannered, and mildly amusing Gay Guru, friends to all, the foe, the friendless, trying to make life a little easier for the GLBT community, one blog entry and website update at a time. But After Dark, I check my turban at the door, and like to explore the GLBT nightlife, drama, excitement, and even the porn scenes. This is a world I have not shared with my blogger friends.....until now. Hope you will hop on board and enjoy the ride, contribute, and share YOUR after dark personality with us all. No need to be shy here, the lights are out, but everyone's home.

    All pictures, videos, names and likeness's found on this blog are primarily of content found on my internet journeys thru cyberspace. I hold no copyright to most images/videos found on this site, and will be glad to remove any picture or video that requests to be removed from this blog with valid proof of copyright emailed to me at the address provided above.
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Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Lost Post, My Sexual Awakening To Being Gay, A Little PornoTube

So it looks as though my last post did not post except for the pornotube video. That is pretty funny actually. And I am sure my writing was very profound and worthy of your reading, dammit!! Okay, well, I will try to remember what I said and give it another go here, with ANOTHER pornotube video, LOL.

The gist of my magically vanishing post, was that I am excited to be actually taking time and starting this blog again, with all intents and purposes to keep it going this time, not like my previous dismal start. Again, the reason I created this blog instead of writing these things on the Gay Guru Daily Main Blog, is the different tone and feel of things. The Daily blog is for our GLBT community, our families and friends, and deals mostly with the blah day to day of my life in general and my comments, observations, humor, information and advice for all of us to hopefully help us thru this thing called, 'gay life'. This blog, is for primarily gay men, to talk about our feelings and experiences, the sexual side, and the "after dark" side of our life outside of work and family.

Because I am restarting this blog over again, I figured I would start by talking about my own coming out experience, and why I think it is a good idea for us to be out in our daily lives where it is safe to be so. I will be posting about this a bit over the next few days and want to use it to lead up to National Coming Out Day, which is set for October 11th, less than a week away.

I didnt have my first gay sexual experience until I was 17 years old, but I probably knew I was gay around the 4th grade, and admitted to myself I was gay around the time I was 14. I admitted to others I was gay around 22, oh to be young and do it over again!! In 4th grade, I knew I was different. I was not sure what to call it or anything, but I had 5 other very good friends that I hung around with, and I was not like them. We were all very close, and good friends, but my guy friends were starting to notice and talk about our girl friends changing bodies and I could frankly care less. I was however, comparing my guy friends bodies out against each others and mine and noticed all the different levels of softness, skin tone, musculature, etc.

My next awakening, came in the summer before 8th grade. I was still close to most of my elementary school friends, we had shifted a bit when we started junior high in 7th grade, but Jimmy and I remained best friends of all. We were inseparable and spent most of our days hanging out together, discovering new things, and having sleep-overs at each others houses. But that summer was going to change everything. Jimmy and his mom and dad were moving right before school started because his dad got a new job promotion and transfer. We spent practically every minute together the last month and a half he was there. The last two days before he moved, Jimmy spent the night at my house so his mom and dad could do all the last minute boxing and packing of their house. The first night we slept on the floor, talking all night long about how we were going to stay in touch, until we finally fell asleep. The last night, we both agreed the floor was too hard and uncomfortable and decided to share my double bed. We said our goodbyes that night in bed, and fell asleep arm in arm. It wasnt sexual, but it was my second awakening to how I felt about another man, and it was oh so different than I felt about my girl friends. I was able to reconnect with Jimmy in our Junior year of high school. We had kinda lost contact, but after I got my license, I was able to drive to the area Jimmy was living in, it really wasnt that far, about an hour or so, but to an 11 year old it was forever. We hung out our junior and senior years when we could. Jimmy then became a born again christian, and that was okay with me, and interesting and it actually got me more interested in church. Being gay was still not in my radar yet, even though I knew I was, but I didnt know the extent of the bigotry back then and it wasnt as big a deal in the christian church back then that I noticed. I finally remember being there the weekend before Jimmy joined the Navy, and seeing him off with his mom and dad. Another emotional farewell, and we fell asleep on the floor together again the night before he left, close enough that we were barely touching, but not arm in arm, and I remembered it, and wanted it again. I have no idea where Jimmy is now, or what he is doing, but I do think of him often, and am a little misty thinking about him now. And that is where I am going to stop for today.............GGAD

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